it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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