my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
