He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
