I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dicks are not precious.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
