I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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