Farmville is her only friend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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