Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
