He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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