OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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