Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
