saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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