just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
