i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
