Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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