Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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