I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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