peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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