I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
