smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We left the knife in your bed.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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