Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
