OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
