i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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