Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
