we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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