the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
