I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
