i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
