He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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