So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
