Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
