where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
sarcasm needs its own font
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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