So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
