Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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