dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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