How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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