i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
