There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
