Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Everyone says I win the strip club
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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