from now on my penis is your penis
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
FUCK WHALES
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
