I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
