I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
