In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
