she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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