either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
