"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
