I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You're like the curious george of whores
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
