he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
