More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
