so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
