I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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