Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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