It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
